Guten Morgen, Leute! Yesterday I talked a little about the play I wrote this week and I thought that I’d share it with you all today! It weird, it’s short, but I think it’s fun! Anyways, I hope that you all enjoy!
THE “MY DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK” CONSPIRACY
ANNEMIEKE: A fun-loving first grader with a tendency to speak quickly when she gets excited.
MS. TAYLOR: The first grade teacher who never seems to be able to catch a break.
A first grade classroom. It’s early morning and the teacher, MS. TAYLOR is collecting the homework from last night. Annemieke Reinhardt, however, has other plans.
ANNEMIEKE: (doodling in her notebook nonchalantly) I don’t have my homework.
MS. TAYLOR: Oh, is that so? Well-.
ANNEMIEKE: (cutting off Ms. Taylor’s interjection) My dog ate it.
MS. TAYLOR: Now, really. If you think that that’s a good enough excuse-.
ANNEMIEKE: (looking up from her notebook) I suppose not. Too generic, isn’t it? (getting up from her chair and walking to the front of the classroom as if ready to make an address)
MS. TAYLOR: Annemieke Reinhardt, what are you doing?
ANNEMIEKE: (innocently) Ms. Taylor, I thought that you wanted my explanation as to what happened to my homework!
MS. TAYLOR: (no longer amused) I did no such thing. Find your seat, Annemieke. At this hour of the morning, I haven’t got the patience for you and your games!
ANNEMIEKE: But you made a very good point: the dog eating my homework wasn’t a good enough excuse. (giggling) And well, truth be told, that was only a part of the story.
MS. TAYLOR: (sighing) I’m sorry for whatever happened to your homework, but really, Annemieke, we’ve got so much to cover and there’s no time for you to explain-.
ANNEMIEKE: (speaking immensely quickly) Oh, but it’ll only take a moment, Ms. Taylor. See? I can talk very quickly if I want to!
MS. TAYLOR: Annemieke-.
ANNEMIEKE: Oh, but it’ll only take a moment!
(The class looks to ANNEMIEKE expectantly and she takes this as encouragement)
ANNEMIEKE: (speaking as fast as possible) I went to the park, see, and my brother, Emanuel—perhaps you know him?—snatched up my homework and a pigeon—it was a nasty pigeon—took it from him and ran it through the pond. He did return it after I yelled at him for a good while and-.
MS. TAYLOR: Come now, that’s utter nonsense-.
ANNEMIEKE: (paying no attention to MS. TAYLOR’s protests) And then—this is where the dog comes in—and then a dog decided that my homework—now completely covered in algae and all manner of pond murk—looked tasty! Can you believe it?
MS. TAYLOR: (aside) Believe it? No, I cannot believe it!
ANNEMIEKE: (more excited than ever and now speaking even more animatedly and quickly) Then, Asparagus—that’s the dog’s name—ate up the homework. Luckily for me, though, Asparagus has this routine of throwing up every morning. So, this morning, just as expected, my homework was laying out on the front porch. Very soggy and crumpled, yes, but it was there.
(at this point, MS. TAYLOR looks nauseous)
ANNEMIEKE: (skipping back to her seat) I could give it to you if you’d like—it’s in my backpack—but Mama told me that it would be very impolite and unappreciated to give you the homework after it had already been in Asparagus’s stomach. But if you’d quite like me to, I really could give it to you-!
MS. TAYLOR: (trying to compose herself) N-n-no. That’s alright, Annemieke. Y-you don’t have to do that.
(ANNEMIEKE digs around in her backpack and pulls out the homework. To MS. TAYLOR and the class’ surprise, the homework is clean and crisp.)
ANNEMIEKE: (cheerfully placing it on top of MS. TAYLOR’s stack of homework) Here you go!
MS. TAYLOR: (staring at ANNEMIEKE in confusion) B-but it was eaten by your dog!
ANNEMIEKE: Oh, that? (laughing) I just dreamed all that up last night. I just thought that you might want to hear the story.
MS. TAYLOR: (sighing) Annemieke Reinhardt, really…
ANNEMIEKE: (talking quickly again) Are you that disappointed that it wasn’t a real story? Because if you want-.
MS. TAYLOR: (yelling) Annemieke!
That’s it for me! What’s your favorite memory from elementary school? Vielen Dank und tschüss!